Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in rollymouf's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, May 25th, 2006
12:25 pm	Go it alone Go It Alone Lyrics I'm comin over See me down at the station By the lane With my hands in my pocket Jingling a wish coin That I stole from a fountain That was drowning all the cares in the world When I get older Climbin up on the back porch fence Just to see the dogs runnin With a ring and a question And my shiverin voice is singing Thru a crack in the window I better go it alone Down on the corner See me standin On a makeshift road With the dust storm blowin In a long black shadow Pull a hammer from a coal mine Down where your daddy was workin Comb my hair back Strike a match on a bathroom wall Where my number was written Drivin on the sidewalk Lookin back and the sky is burning In my rearview mirror I better go it alone Current Music: Beck-Go It alone (Comment on this)
Monday, May 22nd, 2006
2:19 pm	Systems of Equations I am x and you are y in these systems of equations we can only try to solve for one another to come to some conclusion in calculated logic an exclusive resolution (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 5th, 2006
6:36 pm	So it was almost a week ago that we drove to SF to play this rave put on by Plays Kool Productions called Anthem. Anthem, as the title suggests was a party dedicated to all the top chart toppers and essential songs in multiple electronic genres. Dana's freind Sean was graduating from culinary school in SF so he and his Dad were already planning on driving up for that, so Dana and I hopped a ride with in his Dad's Volvo. Which was awesome becuz the car got great gas milage and the whole trip only cost us $25 round trip. We drove all day and stopped in Berekely at this place called Zachary's Pizza, which they promised me was the best pizza ever. It damn near was, at very least it was really good. All four of us stopped and marveled at the chick's bubble butt that serioulsy came out about a foot. After that we drove into the city and got dropped off at Dana's freind Jesse's apartment in SF. It took me a while to realize that this was a really really nice and expensive SF apartment. Come to find out he pays more than double what i pay for my place and I have a front and back yard, a patio, privacy where i can bump my music, and plenty of parking. It's all relative I guess, but I wouldn't want to live there. Although it was wonderful place to get to stay in. We laughed and talked and chilled and did shots of Ketel One, Jenny, Rachael, and Jereimiah all got into to town safe and they came over to the apt. We all went out to this little bar where they were having some indie rock show and i saw this band with a 60 year old lead singer, sweating and screaming. Hilarious. I ended up getting pretty fucking drunk. The club was just crawling with "dark and lovely's". Which are basically black hair, fair skinned, punk or goth chicks which I totally love. Anyways they called last call and told us to get the fuck out right after I had just gotten my drink so I snuck the glass out of the bar and finished my New Castle on the walk back to the apt. I don't remember much after that point but I passed out and woke up with a pretty good hangover. We walked down to this little coffee shop and had some coffee, then decided to go record shopping at Reverb Records, got a little distracted by Ghostbusters then finally left and shopped, got some solid trance, nrg, and breaks jams, then met with the crew for dinner at Askew, which was really good. Then hopped a cab went back to the apt, made some calls got ready. I invited this chick Molly to the show from Sac, I met her the night I played NYE in SF at All Together. So she came over, we all got in Jesses car and went to the show. We found the venue after stopping in front of a very scary liquor store in the ghetto. There was a pretty good line out front and I saw they were checking Dj bags! Damn! So i slid by security and managed to get my 6 pack, and my freinds JD into the venue without a problem. The place was pretty full and I saw a very ethnically, and finacially diverse crowd which i've come to expect from SF. I hung around and chilled and danced. Got to meet Nick Nyquil who was super chill. And then 1 rolled around and I got on to play. Orginally when I had been booked I was in the main room. So for weeks I'd been planning a main room, athem trance set, I got moved to the breaks room 2 days before the show but just ran with the set I had planned. I was little bummed out about that but finally just sucked it up and played my best. My best was good though. The decks were really treating me nice that night and I was sweating like crazy and having a blast. Dana was jumping around like a 16 year old chick at a Green Day concert which made me be even sillier and have a total blast. They shut down the party on my last record which was good timing I guess, and we all went back to Jesses played with glowsticks and drank some more. Jenny and I crashed out on the couch together and we woke up and drove home the next day. Overall all the trip couldn't have gone smoother. I even managed to avoid any stress at all on the day of the show. Even Dana was like, "WTF wait a minute, where's Anal Surfer!?" Ha. Anal Surfer was off that night, Channel Surfer was barely on the job until the set time. Really it was just me and the homies and little raving and chilling. A weekend excursion to the bay where i got to spin and meet some cool new heads. SET: Lucky7- Break The Silence ATB- 9pm Till I Come Mythos v. Cosmos- Send Me An Angel Novaspace- Time After Time Fragma- Toca's Miracle iio- Rapture Armin Van Buuren- Rising Star SFL-Paint It Black Dyloot- Star Party Tall Paul- Everybodies A Rockstar White- Breaks of Our Lives Groove Coverage- Poison (Comment on this)
6:35 pm	Once in A While "Once In A While" Horses run Once in a while for you The shades will draw Once in a while for you Destiny will hide the sense of your time Once in a while Once in a while for you The soldiers will fall Once in a while for you The shades will crawl Once in a while for you You'll take the walls I will take the new ring Once in a while Once in a while it's you Once in a while it's you Once in a while You'll make it on your own You'll make it so alone Feel so alone You'll try to care Once in a while for me And I will be there Once in a while Once in a while for you Once in a while for you Once in a while for you (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
1:22 am	Unravel "Unravel" while you are away my heart comes undone slowly unravels in a ball of yarn the devil collects it with a grin our love in a ball of yarn he'll never return it so when you come back we'll have to make new love (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
2:45 pm	I want candy. "I Want Candy/I Need Candy" Lyrics I want candy, bubblegum and taffy. Skip to the sweet shop with my sweetheart, Sandy. Got my pennies saved. so I'm a sugar daddy. I'm her Hume Cronyn, she my Jessica Tandy. I want candy! I need candy, bubble gum and taffy, Gonna get your ass beat nasty, Do it so your dad sees, embarrass your whole family Just cuz you came between a kid and his candy. I need candy, any kind will do Don't care if it's nutritious or FDA approved. It's gonna make me spaz like bobcats on booze, A hyperactive juice that only I can produce To fuel a giant drill to bore straight into hell Releasing ancient demons from their sleep-forever spell So they can walk upon the earth and get resituated And hawk the diet pills MC Pee Pants has created. Mess up the mix, mix up the mess Come on down, yo here's the address 6-1-2 Wharf Avenue 6-1-2 Wharf Avenue (Comment on this)
Friday, April 14th, 2006
1:23 am	say i was to beat heroin and come back from it, but wanted to do it again. would you treat me like herion, or would you make me love you again. (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 19th, 2006
1:47 pm	March 18- Monkey Do and Fire Tribe @ The BLVD. Last night at the BLVD was total blast we set up nice and quick and I played a really fun electro house and breaks set. Mixed a lot of cds too tryin to get better with the cd decks and also i had a bunch of cool new jams. Keith played great too he bought some fun new records. About halfway thru his set it started raining a little bit. There was this tarp that was sheilding us from the rain but had these drain points where a ton of water was coming down. Well we were all getting more and more trashed so Dom starting kinda hugging me and then dragging me into the water. Then it was fuckin on. we both started doing it to each other and finally we were both totally soaked. Then we started incorporating other people in the mix. Dom grabbed Ty and took and took her into the water and she got soo soaked it w3as just hilarious. We were all on our toes making sure to watch out backs. Finally Dom and I took it too far and then security came over smiling and told us to cut it out. But Dom didn't get the hint and kept doing it. Then Ty got a cup full of water and dumped it on Dom then dropped it and it shattered. It was great, Fire Tribe was out of line and it was so out of character and just beautiful, we should have gotten kicked out. Dereck and Pete played really good sets with some great music. Im my opinion Dereck is a little more solid on the mix and I like his music a little more. He played this one track that dropped my jaw, I was blown away. After the show the security tried to kick Jenny out and I was like it's ok shes cool cool which is usually all you need to say but this one fucktard wanted to pursue it so I kinda got in his face a little and said, bro we're here every weekend, this shouldn't be a problem we just wanna pack our gear up and get home like you guys. And he turns, defeated, and says something to the effect of it's ok all these djs are assholes anyways. I was like, what! WTF, hey Keith we're assholes! I never see Keith that pissed he was fuming. Then Matty came back all pumped up on seeing Ron D Core and heard about the bs and started throwing cups and shit around and put a cigarette out on the stage so then the security was really pissed and kinda rightfully so. So then Jim had to scold Matty after he had just torn he security new assholes. It was chaos. We were so out of line. I've never seen Fire Tribe in such rare and prime form. Every once in a while it's ok to act like a drunk hick at the bar. It's night like this that make our weekly so fresh and exciting. SET Beber and Tamra- Travelling On Miro- By Your Side Trona- Lights Go Out Kreo- Burn for You Unknown- Protection Narcotic Thrust- When the Dawn Breaks Rex the Dog- Radio Dylan Rhymes- Salty Who Da Funk- Radio The Autobots and Deep Impact- Bomba Latino Unknown- Paradox 3000 Grayarea- Gravity Unknown- Insomniac Muse- Sunburn I really hope that's right. (Comment on this)
Friday, March 17th, 2006
11:04 am	Alienaided AZ- March 11 So the F8 AZ party was last weekend. Boy I need to start getting better at updating my diary. Things have been rough for me lately. I feel very spread thin and I have to admit my emotional state and security are in bad shape as well. So anyway I figured I'd fly into AZ a day early to check out the town and maybe help promote or do some last minute things. Mistake. Whereas I have a lot of freinds in like Seattle I didn't know anyone in AZ which made the day early thing kinda pointless. Not to mention it rained like crazy the day I flew out in both SD and AZ, the flight wasn't that bad but still pretty rough. The AZ airport is a clusterfuck. Got picked up hung with Matt and his girl for a while. Then we left to go to this trendy club in Scottsdale to promote and we drove by this section of town that looked like Irvine made of adobe. It was obviously the wealthy, trendy, college section of town with all the clubs and restaurants. It looked like all the most flat, uncultured clubs in downtown SD. Niether of us were feeling it so we just drove right by and didn't promote it. Finally we just drove over to this raver house party in the middle of nowhere. It was cool I guess there were a lot of kids but either they weren't feeling that freindly or they were just really high. The decks and sound were set up in the kitchen and they let us hop on the decks soon after we arrived. The guy who was playing was dj Gary, and I have to say, that guy really impressed me. Trance dj, great tracks, invisible mixing, rocked out behind the decks. Turned out to be a super nice guy too. So yeah we played from like 3-am and then got back into town about 6 and began looking for a hotel for me. The fact that I cam a day early made it more expensive for Matt, which I should have known but somehow didn't count on. But yeah all these people were in town becuz of basebase spring training so almost all the rooms were tied up. By the time I got into my room it was 6:30. I think I made a pathetic call to Melissa who didn't call me back. And then showered and went to sleep. I slept in till like 5 then called Monkey and coordinated my thoughts about when to get to the party and what not. About 9:30 Matt's girl Harmony came and picked me up. We went over the venue. The place was exactly what they explained, a huge empty warehouse about the size of a Walgreens. It was impressive, old school as fuck, and obviously totally illegal. The sound and lasers were good though and there was already a good crowd in there by like 10 something. Overall the party went great, lots of kids dancing, great lights and sounds, tons of glowstringers, and people playing with lights. Lucas played well with some breaks and housey stuff, Marq got on and opened with one of his tracks and I must say it was pro, that kick drum was hittin. Then Mars hopped on and played, he's playing a lot of more obscure tracks off the new album, tracks you wouldn't expect him to play live. But he was good, it's always exciting for me to be standing there when Mars plays. Then Monkey got on and stepped it up with some super nrg stuff, he musta been digging alittle deep for this set becuz he didn't play a lot of Monkey anthems. Then 3am rolled around and I hopped on. I was afraid that slot was gonna have less kids and less momentum, but I guess i was wrong becuz they were def there jammin out and screaming in the build ups and what not. It was nice getting to play some real rave jams, some super pumped up cyber nrg stuff and less cheezy anthemy kinda stuff that I fear I'm getting locked into in non club environments. The set went ok except I skipped my needles like 5 times and once in the middle of a mix. I was trying to play some scratches and the decks were just not behaving. Everyone was complaining about the right turntable, but whatever, i did my job, i tried my very best as always, and at very least gave a good show. When I got off Monkey's like "those decks aren't butter are they?" I was like, "hell no, not one for the record books." We both laughed. After the party we had some kids drive us the the afterparty, Monkey and I hung out and talked to some kids, but again I didn't get the warmest vibe but I think it's cuz everyone was tired and high. Finally we figured out rides home and got back. I got 2 hours of sleep in my hotel before check out and then Matt came and picked me up then went back to his house and slept on the couch. I woke up with enough time to make my flight and then found then Matt and his girl were both too drunk to drive, so for a minute there I got nervous but they sprung for a cab and I got to the airport on time and home to SD ok. I don't know what made this trip so rough. Maybe I'm spoiled on Seattle and how I've got playing there down to a good system. Unfortuntly, this trip seemed like a lot of effort. Maybe I was just really lonely spending 2 night alone in the hotel, maybe I felt like I wasn't connected to anyone there. Maybe it was the rain. Either way this trip was exhuasting. And it really fucked up my week after. I went and saw The Living End on Mon night with Dom, which was a fantastic concert and totally worth it, then had school the next morning, then had work the next days then the test on Thurs which I totally fucking failed, then came home to a suprise visit from Melissa, who wanted money and "her shit back", then more work, and now it's Friday, thank god lol. And spring break is on but I don't feel relieved, i feel spent I feel broken and beaten down, and I'm afraid my sense of hope is kinda down right now. I either need more rest or some excercise or something. I've been drinking wayy too much and too often and I haven't been eating well. Sleep is inconsistant, and emotionally I'm a wreck. SET LIST Mars- Save the Rave Storm- Storm E Trax- Let's Rock Bk n Christopher Lawrence- Acid People Nick Sentience and Tom Harding- Intoxicate Joy Kitikonti- Joydontstop Chris C and Dynamic Intervention- Hoover Damn Miss Peppermint- Welcome to Tomorrow Groove Coverage- Poison Supa Dupa Alarma- Children on the Dancefloor (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 4th, 2006
3:30 pm	Kandyland 2- Seattle Ok so it's been a week since the event I might as well do my diary entry. Kandyland 2 was a fucking blast as I knew it would be. Sometimes a venue change can be a good thing. Especially when the venue was set up as a huge sound stage with a giant main room, a beautiful sprawling stage, lazers galor, and a great onstage sound set up. Seattle is still my favorite place to rave and play shows. The fury of their rave scene is unlike anywhere else i've been in the US. Much of it has to do with the fact that the laws are different up there, so all night all ages events can fly, whereas in SD for instance, getting 18+ till 2am is damn near impossible. We were packed like sardines at Kandyland 1 and that was my first headlining gig in seattle, this year the party grew ten fold and again I was brought in to headline alongside Suzy Solar and Miss Joy. The first KL i felt like new blood, someone with a shot to prove what they could do. This time, a year later I felt much more at home. Much more of an entrenched part of the seattle movement. Everybody up there knows who I am, they are all so sweet and kind, and it's great overhearing people talking about your set or when is he playing, or how much they love my music. It's really quite humbling. And the truth is I love them all too. My focus aside from the music is the kids. Like any subterranean music scene, kids come for something they can't get elsewhere. They come for love, acceptance, and place to be a weirdo and have it be embraced. I've always been able to relate to that. Many of these kids come from bad background or fucked up home situations, and it's the same for us as it is for say a gang. Although in our gang, we dance, wear silly clothes, hug a lot, and play with light toys. So much of me loves the spotlight and the chance to send some kids into space with some tripped out ravey ass pound pound. But another very big part of me recognizes that I'm older now and can have some kind of influence to these kids. I'm not perfect at all, but in our community I think it's important for the older ravers to teach the newer raver how it works, and how it should be done. And god knows, the kids need that. With all the drugs they get into, and all the potentially bad situations they are nieve to, it is important to try to represent somthing good, and show just how much possiblilty and potential there is in our culture. Funny thing, I rocked it as hard as I could. But you know, I'm not that pleased with the set. I have to say I think I rocked it way harder at that little Lost Episode event wayy back in Nov. I mean kids were going nuts but I kinda cheezed out a little too much thinking that's what all the kandy kids were gonna be into, and well, i was right, but I could have used my slot to bring some new things to them. Actually right up until the very end I thought was good, but I got softer rather than harder and moved into some of that "world class" trance stuff, instead of keeping in rocking with pounding nrg jams. Oh well. I also learned about playing that size crowd. Seriously there were people as far as I could see and I dunno, I think there were better songs for that situation than what I played, but live and learn. Reflecting, that was probably the biggest event I've ever played, with the biggest venue, the biggest stage, and the biggest crowd. And it made me think about my freinds like Donald, or Mars, or Simply Jeff and how they've worked their way to a point where that kind of crowd and event is standard for them. It fuels me, it motivates me, I want that to become my standard too. I want to fly in, play the mainstage in a prime timeslot, and meet and talk with the kids all night, then do it again and again in city after city. Someone said to me, "Channel, you make such a great headliner cuz of the show you give." That meant a lot to me, but what it also meant to me was, go for the top slot. Don't worry so much about competition or who has what show, look at that "dj list" and see yourself on it. Ranked well. With releases, tours, and headlining shows, each being a stepping stone to indespensibility. An essential part of electronic music progression and development, and an advocate and proveyor of raves and rave culture. SET Ballon- Bad n Sexy Miss P- Welcome to Tomorrow Dyloot- Star Party Channel Surfer- Eleborate Hoax MDM- Mash It Up SFL- Paint it Black Dj Quicksilver- Ameno Groove Coverage- God is a Girl Groove Coverage- Poison N Trance- Forever Yahel- Liquid Love Mars- Rollin n Chillin (Comment on this)
Monday, February 20th, 2006
1:07 am	LOVE FEST 3- FRESNO, CA For the third year in a row, the like minds have come from various geographies with the intention of meeting up and partying the fuck out. Our two dear freinds Sanden and Yvonne Love have continually been our most gracious hosts organize the best 2-3 day weekend adventures. Normally we just have the party at their house and chill, play music, and party for like 3 days. But this year they organized something a little different that involved throwing a night at Club Glo right down the street from their house. After making the long drive from Sd to Fresno, I got showered and dressed and went down to this club of which I was not expected much. Upon entry I found the club had a nice dark, sexy, afterhours feel and a great sound system and gear and that the owner, Lao, was a very kind man who definitly liked to party himself. The night started out with Justin Welsh, a protege of Bryon Garlick's, who brought the heat with some really pumped up, though not atonal, hard trance. I originally thought he was bringing it a little too hard for an opening slot but people were dancing and his tracks were hot and he was really playin em nice and smooth. I've watched him learn and progress as a dj and I must say I was quite impressed with how far he's come. It wasn't at all like I had to sit through the set, in fact parts of it were very engaging. He had this one breaks track that was just fukin hot and I wanna find out what it is. After him Fransisco went on, who was the Fresno local boy. Earlier at the house he was playing all kinds of top 40 trance, just late 90's classic after late 90's classic. And in his set he jumped on plenty of popular older trance jams but his flow was good and his mixing much better than it had been at the house. Although, he was max red lining the whole mixer and I didn't want to say anything, becuz guys get all butt hurt about it, but sure enough the whole main system went down as the amps couldn't handle it so he played for like 5 mins without mains and I just kinda rolled my eyes, went up to the mixer turned down the gains turned down the master and told him to wait, and mildly scolded him about "running dead red all night". He got the point. The sound came back on and he finished his set nicely. It was my turn, as I was the headliner for the night I was to play from 12-2, so i had a nice 2 hour slot. Thing was, I was exhausted. The night before I drank over at the Fire Tribe house, then came home and couldn't sleep and called my ex, and then REALLY couldn't sleep. Finally I got to sleep about 7am and got picked up to leave for Fresno at 12pm. So yeah I was wiped i didn't know how the set was gonna turn out becuz I was already dragging so much ass and had to play this long ass slot. So i got up there took a deep breath and opened with a little ATB- 9pm till I Come. Kinda a cheap shot, but this mostly Asian packed house ate it for lunch and it was a great attention getter. Not to mention I love the nostalgic gasp that befalls a crowd when the beat drops out and that first little tidbit of melody comes on hinting, warning....Track lead to track lead to track and about 4 records deep i was in prime form. Happy with my flow, solid hands free mixes on the Mk5's they had. People were just loving it. I forgot anything at all about being tired and just jammed track after track. Deep into the set I thought I'd switch it to a little breaktrance, and although it didn't kill the dancefloor it was not the right move....I thought I'd give em a breather when in reality they didn't want no fucking breather, they wanted to slam. So after a couple breaks track I went back into the trance and just brought the heaviest, most choice cuts I had. The place was seriously going nuts. Hands in the air, screaming, girls on the stage swinging around on the polls. It was too much, i was having a blast. About 1:15 I noticed that Bryon was behind me with his headphones on....i didn't get it, but immdiately thought, "that motherfucker is trying to bite my slot", something profoundly unethical in the dj world. So i turned, heated and said "Bullshit, Fuckin Bullshit!" to him and Sanden, I mixed out of the track that I was playing and then finally realized after they told me that the club was staying open another hour and that Bryon was gonna go on at 2. I was mortified.....SOOO embarrassed.....i had just totally gotten ugly in front of 2 close freinds....But afterwards we all had a good laugh about it. It fact, at 1:35 I dropped my last track and let Bryon get on there. I was high as shit on the music and Bryon always sends me sailing even further, plus he's my freind, and very deserving dj, so I had no bones about giving him an hour and half to play. And of course, he rocked it, just mature cuts all the way down, the rarest most weird, involved trance you've ever heard, clean as can be and fun to dance to. By my last track, Dana showed up from Sac. I had invited him to come down to the club and then rock it at the after party. After the club closed we went back to the house and the party ensued. Dana got on the decks and was playing some great stuff although, not as solid as he usually is. i think it's weird to just walk into a place and know exactly what to play for this house full of strangers but he played for a long ass time, and I loved it. I was deep in the trance and totally off in la la land by the end of the night. I should have been totally done for but I was having a blast. I sat on these soft chairs at one point and started talking to a girl by the name of Courtney that I developed an immediate crush on, we really seemed to like each other and she gave me her phone number, if I hadn't been so spaced out I would've tried to convince her to stay but there was just no way, although she said she would come back the next day and maybe we could do some dinner, but that didn't work out becuz I had to drive back home before night fell. At one point I went to bed, fearing for the hangover I knew i was bound to have but miraculously did not thanks to the three motrin Yvonne gave me i woke up the next morning feeling fresh and recharged (fuckin miracle) and went downstairs and played a little morning house and breaks set for everyone. Then milled around drank some coffee that I found out later had been brewed with mushrooms earlier although this was a fresh pot, but I think there still might have been some trace mushroom crazinees in it becuz i swear the walls were breathing a little later. Anyways, got our shit together, rode home, went and got a beer and here I am ready to get some sleep, finish this work week and fly out to Seattle on Thurs. It's a job like any other, but I'm proud to say it's mine. SET: ATB- 9pm Till I Come Ethos & Cosmos- Send Me an Angel Tall Paul- Everybody's a Rockstar Blank N Jones- Desire Dyloot- Star Party Channel Surfer- Eleborate Hoax Mars- Ionizer Luck7- Break the Silence Mulder- Listen to the Basstone Dave London- Hold On Groove Coverage- God is a Girl Groove Coverage- Poison N-Trance- Forever SFL- Paint It Black Yahel- Liquid Love Octagen and Arizona- Starburst Ayu- M Mars- Rollin n Chillin (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
11:47 pm	aching throbbing soreness I miss you so much, I wish you were here right now. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
8:14 pm	Valentines Day 2006 What a fucking mess. I'm soaking in the rain of multiple emotional rain clouds right now. One, I guess is always there and represents my lingering angst, sensitivity, and overemotional nature. It's only made worse by the come down from the stress, organization, and execution of an event, not to mention I've had an ex girlfreind for the exact same amount of time I've been dating someone else. I'm so grateful I'm in couseling right now. I knew I needed it, I knew I needed someone to make sense of all these indecisions and complexities. I never wanted to be part of the rat race, and thankfully I carved a life where I'm anything but a slave to the man or convention, but somehow I think that only makes other things less stable and less predictable. I'm having the same self doubts I was having before I broke up with Bunny and Jenny is seeming more and more like a distraction from having to deal with the break up, which is frustrating, becuz it's not like she's "some girl", she's a warm, wonderful, very green, but very enthusiastic raver chick. who happens to be within a couple years of me. And, it sucks, becuz part of me wants togive her the same chance I would anyone that I was truely into, but so much of the timing makes it difficult for me to do that. I mean I had been single for like a couple monthes, it wouldn't be such an issue. But I feel like I went straight from one persons arms and into anothers. And that's not me, that's not my style. And it doesn't help that I'm still in love with Melissa, and although I'm learning to cope and move on, and be confident in the decision i was finally able to make, I feel twisted, spread thin, and a little shallow. If it was me in the position that Bunny is in, I would be dealing with this soooo incredibly poorly and would probably be acting like the biggest fucking baby. And the more I think about it the more I just feel so bad for her. I haven't decided but one of my instincts tells me to tell Jenny that I'm sorry and it's not her fault but I can't see her anymore, and that there was nothing she could have done. It's me. It's where I am right now. My counselor seems to think I should do my best to be single right now, that I've got enough real life stuff on my plate without having a woman in it right now. That's basically an echo of my own thoughts. And it almost makes wish Jenny was "just some chick" some nice, but dumb, girl. And although, I can't help but have the impression that the whole "dj" thing has something, if only a little, to do with her liking me, I know there's more to her than that. And in a few ways she's already showed me what she's made of. Finding ways to come from Santee with no phone and no car to see me, making it to my shows, staying till the last decoration has been torn down, and then sleeping on my hall floor while my djs took the beds. I dunno, it all seems very glamorous sometimes, but it's work and although she might have never seen that part of the scene, she seems willing, that means a lot to me. But I think about Melissa, and San Fran, and the hotel at F8 Victorville, and Seattle and all these place where we were together and she's fits in those pictures. She fits in the scenario of me flying away to play shows and then being alone together back at the hotel. I don't think Jenny fits that the same. So as if it wasn't enough that i'm an emo wreck to begin with, you couple that with a break up rain cloud, on top of a "not getting over it" raincloud, and then a "new girl in my life" rain cloud, and then just a little job stress, frustration, and uncertainty and you've got a pretty spun out smurf. The thing is I can't go back to Bunny as fucking much as I want to, not that she'd have me anyways, and I also can't be with Jenny right now. It's becuz I like her that I want to give her a fair shot, but only after some time. After I have my head back, and I'm not just shooting blind. I think that's only fair for her, and also not quite as much a slap in Bunny's face, who must be thinking this is something I'm cool and ready to pursue. The only thing I'm ready to pursue in some stability, maybe a little coming to terms that I've lost another love and that solice will only come from progress, personal progress. Clarity from the rain clouds. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 13th, 2006
10:20 pm	Frequency 8 10 Yr. Tour SD All my guests are gone, my house is mess, i'm exhausted, beat up, a little down, my neck is sore, and this quiet is disarming. BUT! The F8 SD tour stop was a great party with a great vibe. Everyone who was there seemed to be having a total blast. The place looked great inside, the sound was bangin, and the F8 vibe was definitly in full effect. We didn't turn out the number of people we needed to make the event profitable so I lost a good bit of money, but I don't think of it as losing money so much as paying for experience. I knew there was a possibility that I might lose some money but that's the game. There's risk involved. It's a gamble. Fire Tribe has lost money on events before and we've also made money. Any given event is a crap shoot. The sure fire hits can fail, and unexpected successes can come from what you thought might be weak. At this point, although quite burnt out I'm trying to just focus on the good that came from the party. It really was a wonderful time. Dana opened and really played tastful solid opening trance and mixed fucking great in my opinion. His music was fantasic and the set really had shape and body. I felt like I played good too, and even closed with one of my own tracks which sounded soo good on the system, kept people dancing, and got a lot of compliments. Victor played great too, even brought it a little ravey like I asked him, although I couldn't help but be reminded of his preoccupied disposition and half hearted set at the Tears of an Angel CD release. I really like the guy but I can tell when he's 100% into his sets and his events, and I didn't get that impression on Sat. Mars fuckin killed it and had that dancefloor popping pulling out a set of almost all suprises.....his Alicia Keys rmx, the track he did with Donald, both of the George Clinton jams, some new singles of the new al bum. It thinned a little after Mars as I kinda suspected it would. But Monkey really brought the heat and it was awesome hearing some rippin hard house at a San Diego party. I was in and out of the FTE room but I heard that Mike D played great, Dom too, I saw JQ just layin it down, and Lucas and Keith kept it strong until the end although that back room cleared out alot after 12. Overall attendance was way lower that what we expected. Having a 200 person $10 list gave me high hopes for the party but barely anyone showed up on that list. Competition was fierce that night. Austin Scott's gig at BELO really took a lot of my crowd unfortunatly. And I guess that's ok but the only thing that's dissapointing is that we had so many great out of state headliners, not to mention it was the labels tour, and I thought that the party was a very special thing, but people still opted to go for the trendy downtown nightclub, with ridiculous cover, uber expensive drinks, a shiny shirt mainstream vibe, and no non local talent. This is not a comment about my freind Scott, he just tried his best like I did. It's more just me being bummed that people wanted just another night at the club and didn't think my party was special and not to be missed. But waa waa, I'm a raver, and rave dj. It's the same thing it has been. That's why I'm a household name in Seattle and headline their events for great money and my hometown thinks i'm a hack. But in a way it only motivates me. Some of my colleueges think they're gonna be the ones to really make it in this business, they discredit me a little, underestimate me, and I love it. Really, I LOVE IT. Cuz you watch. Djing is the smallest part of my musicianship and some of these guys it's all they have. So while people are busy worrying about their own gigs and they're own popularity and success, I'll be woodsheding, busting my ass in the studio, trying and trying and trying for that one worthy song. And I know I will find it. I know I'll look back and laugh. SET LIST BT- Somonbulist (Burufunk Mix) Icey- King of Pain Naked Electric- Just Say Orbital- Funny Break 303- Flight 303 Phil Keiran- Voices in My Head ATB- 9pm Till I Come Tall Paul- Everbody's a Rockstar Blank and Jones- Desire Dyloot- Star Party Channel Surfer- Eleborate Hoax (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
5:21 pm	Renaissance LA is always an adventure. Renaissance was no different. After being sick all week and trying to pull myself together for Sat. I managed to get heathly enough to go play a crazy rave party in dowtown LA from 2:30 to 3:30 in the morning. Larry came by all day on Sat and we worked in the studio for hours. Then Jenny showed up about 7 ish, and we went to the BLVD to help set up, then came home and Tygon showed up about 10, then we got in the car and left and I got us lost when the car pool lane took us on some weird freeway. We had to backtrack. Then I got this urgent call from Dana about how people had snuck in on my guest list and I how my people weren't gonna be able to get in. But it ended up not being a problem. Infusion, the art gallery venue the party was at, was awesome inside. Spacious, great laser set up, bangin sound, real underground feel. But as I suspected the turnout wasn't what it could've been. After all I didn't see any flyers at all the major events that were going on leading up to the event. I missed the first 30 mins of Mystre's set but really enjoyed the rest of it. His mixing is solid and he really brings the trance like a pro. He even went into some breaks and played a track I love and play out a lot, Insomniac "Can't Get No Sleep". I thought that was way cool. He finished his set and I ran after him to get him to sign a couple of his tracks for me and Mike D. He was polite and affable although I don't think he really caught that I was one of Mars' new guys. Went back in jammed out to Illumin, who was actually pretty darn good. then went on at 2:30. I totally abandoned the records I had planned on playing and shot from the hip. I had a great time playing but it was not my best set. It felt a little rough around the edges. If i didn't jump around as much it would have been a little smoother, but MK2's really require a little more focus and lighthandedness from the 3's. But nothing horrible came out and the crowd really seemed top enjoy the set. It was cool too, they had camera's filming the whole night and so my whole set was filmed, I know I can get some great promo footage from that eventually, I have to remember to contact the Illumin guys and get that hooked up. It was nice too, I had a good crowd turn out for me. Kaleb, Christian, Skylar, Sean, Lisa, Jenny, Dana, Heather, Tygon, Sunny, Hank....... It was a private kind of night. In a way uneventful, just another rave in another run down city. But still there's something sacred about it. Who are these kids? These faces? Some come from good places, some come from bad. But overall they are seeking some kind of love and acceptance they know they cannot find anywhere else. And that really speaks to me. I feel privledged to be the soundtrack to their lives if only for an hour and then dance the night away with them, and send them home happy. Ultimately, raves, ravers, and raving is a culture and being part of that culture is always fulfilling and meaningful. SET: Balloon- Bad n Sexy Miss Peppermint- Welcome to Tomorrow Dyloot- Star Party Mars- Garden of Eden Nick Sentience and Tom Harding- Intoxicate Joy Kitikonti- Joydontstop Spacekid- Moi Lolita Groove Coverage- Poison N-Trance- Forever John Doe- God is a Girl Mars- Like Um Supa Dupa Alarma- Children on the Dancefloor (Comment on this)
Friday, January 27th, 2006
1:36 pm	No Doubt- Sunday Morning Sappy pathetic little me That was the girl I used to be You had me on my knees I'd trade you places any day I'd never thought you could be that way But you looked like me on Sunday You came in with the breeze On Sunday Morning You sure have changed since yesterday Without any warning I thought I knew you I thought I knew you I thought I knew you well... so well You're trying my shoes on for a change They look so good but fit so strange Out of fashion so I can complain You came in with the breeze On Sunday Morning You sure have changed since yesterday Without any warning I thought I knew you I thought I knew you I thought I knew you well... so well I know who I am, but who are you? You're not looking like you used to You're on the other side of the mirror So nothing's looking quite as clear Thank you, for turning on the light Thank you, now you're the parasite I didn't think you had it in you And now, you're looking like I used to! You came in with the breeze On Sunday Morning You sure have changed since yesterday Without any warning And you want me badly You cannot have me I thought I knew you I've got a new view I thought I knew you well...oh well (Comment on this)
1:34 pm	U2- With or Without You See the stone set in your eyes See the thorn twist in your side I wait for you Sleight of hand and twist of fate On a bed of nails she makes me wait And I wait without you With or without you With or without you Through the storm we reach the shore You give it all but I want more And I’m waiting for you With or without you With or without you I can’t live With or without you And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give And you give And you give yourself away My hands are tied My body bruised, she’s got me with Nothing to win and Nothing left to lose And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give And you give And you give yourself away With or without you With or without you I can’t live With or without you With or without you With or without you I can’t live With or without you With or without you (Comment on this)
1:33 pm	The Living End- Dirty Man Dirty man thinks he can get away with it Not too bright where's the light The occupant of his mind Clean man, dirty thoughts should know better After time he will find That things don't work out his way And if he were to be the public enemy If he were to be the public enemy And made a part of his - Hey Made a part of his - Hey Made a part of history Like I was born on Saturday Got buried on Sunday Thought I'd never get caught Feel like I just got married And divorced in the one day And it's not my fault And it's not my fault Now I've thrown it all away And I have nowhere to go Blind man, can't you see what you've become All you made didn't pay Now you're outside to dry On the run, thought you could get away with it Not too bright where's the light The occupant of his mind Chorus (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
3:24 pm	Linda Savage I've decided I'm going back to counseling. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
11:00 pm	... Cigarette's.... (2 Comments |Comment on this)